Tuesday, May 02, 2006

it's going to be weird we graduate college and May isn't the landmark end of school/beginning ot summer month anymore

I suppose another year long break is adequate. I seriously have graphoschizophrenia or something that's an actual condition because I always feel compelled to write, yet I switch the means by which I write constantly. However difficult it is, I think I should stick to the blog just because I know I can't decieve myself into believing I actually don't care if anyone reads what I write. I've discovered I'm actually quite bad at keeping in touch with anyone who isn't directly involved in my life on a regular basis, whether it be family or even friends whom I was convinced I'd never lose touch with. I suppose being naive will always cost you a little disappointment.
I felt mostly invincible going into this school year, and with two weeks left before my final final I've been wholly humbled and hobbled. Apparently learning things is difficult and even working hard (blasphemy, I know) doesn't always...work. Although a majority of the people I know in the Astronomy/Physics program are fairing about as "well" as I am, I'm not sure I find consolation there. Repeating classes and failing tests wasn't necessarily what I had in mind a year or so ago. I suspect the next 3 years will be similar. Er, make that 8 or 9 with that whole graduate school thing, assuming that my grades and research will be good enough to get me into...well, anywhere. I think my inability to see anything nearer than a year away is the only think keeping me from academic despair. Of course the whole "finding out who I am and what my life is going to be" thing adds a little weight on the shoulders. Not that much though. Only because I'm really pretentious. In a good way...

-alex

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